Truth be told the only thing I remember from my fall was… my friends helping me up,quickly dusted the dirt off my clothes and I think I can also remember them advising me to go home…(eix san)and when I turned back to go fetch my glass from the guys… yhoooo, the embarrassment was too deep…yhoo and I think for a moment I went sober (Buur uit)…and Mokete…yhooo mokete’s face,I could not even read his expression,I could not figure whether it was shame,or anger or comical,Eixxxxx I was sooo embarrased.
I approached them and the alcohol in me pumped me to still…have the nerve to say something . Then I said to them… just to cover my earlier “oops moment” …”uhmmm guys I ‘m leaving coz as u can see I’m DRONK ”(LOL,a se di guava juice dilo tse…) and then as I picked my glass up and was about to leave I turned to Mokete and I remember saying to him directly…”hey Mokete..since I’m leaving can I please get a hug”( Omg who says that)?Yeah at that time my intoxicated brain cells made me say dat! and at dis moment I can safely put da blame on da Namaqua…was I crazy?did I seriously ask Mokete for a hug?Did I seriously do that?Omg I must have been seriously drunk!!! Heeeeeee….Soo after that…dis I recall very clearly even today as I’m typing my story… I still can remember his response…After I drunkenly asked Mokete for a hug, he consciously,unmistakably,seriously refused to hug me…(Yhoo how terrible is that feeling of rejection), feeling out most embarrassed, I quickly turned ,then went home.
The morning after…(ooooooh,ouchhhhh)
The headache I had and the pain of rejection just came flowing back as I recall the “adventures” I experienced yesterday…Wow,and the funny thing is… I remembered all the bad motions I made. I could recall the laughter from the other guys when I fell, I could also recall Mokete’s look when when his eyes motioned at me, I could clearly recall his refusal gesture when I asked for a hug, I felt terrible,my heart poured with sorrow as I sat there on my bed, thinking,trying to beat myself up…wishing this all was a bad dream,a nightmare…ooh how I wished it were a nightmare,atleast I could wake up from it. And unfortunately It wasn’t…and the numerous watsapp messages I received on my phone made me very aware of that.(heeeee) The 1st one I opened read…”huh gal what was wrong wit u maabane..U really let ur reputation down,u disappointed me” (LOL…nigga plsss) I thought… the 2nd one was from Tom “Nyatsified PLEASE etswaako Mokete,o nale mosadi plssss!!!” (lol aah Tom we all know why ur soo concerned, F*** u! ) I mummered…others were just from irrelevant people who expressed their disappointment in me, but others still asked whether I was okay and as I scrolled down( yhooo) there they were…his numbers, and as I stared at his no.,I could feel the chill behind my neck and I knew this was bad(…U know I never stored his no. in my phone by name coz I was really trying soo hard to forget about him and thought maybe if I don’t use them I’ll also forget them,even wen I knew them by heart,huhhhhh)…it read”please leave me alone,my fiancé and I are happy together ,I won’t leave her for u,understand. Respect us pls “ (YhooR nigga) But honestly even when he has told me numerous times wen I used to “stalker him”somehow the words really hurt me deep deep deep… For the first time I listened,for the first time I understood he meant every word,Vir die eerste tyd I didnt cry for him, I really didn’t,I felt a sense of putting myself in his galfriend’s place,How would I react if I had a crazy girl hu was constantly stalking my man? How would I feel if dis gal was always calling my man,sending crazy sms’es, literally obsessed with my man. (damnnnn was I dat crazy,lol) On a serious note, for the first time I felt sorry for them, I felt ashamed for everything I have done to them as a couple, I was really ashamed,At that time I did serious introspection, and then I looked at my self as the third person,Wow… Boyyy was I obsessed with this guy!and man did I make impulsive decisions…(Eehh)Who is dis girl? That is the question I kept asking myself. Was this all worth it? Was it all worth my self esteem? Was it is all worth my time? Nooooooo,I refuse to be a puppet! I refuse to be the other gal who is “cray cray” over someone else’s boyfriend,NO! I Did’nt like the person I became, everything was based on how Mokete was going to perseive me, I dressed up for him, I went to chill at the streets for him, I came home late just to see him, even if he was just passing by the streets…Nooo! (A se ngwana mmaka dis person) He doesn’t contribute anything for me,my time, and I was not brought to this world to please some guy,No! At that time I really had a wake up call.
It was time for I, TO MOVE ON…I had to move on,I had to forget about dis guy!Bona go padile…I tried,I tested,I did it all, and I had to accept…No matter Who you are, What you look like,What you do,How much you try to impress or attract…YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A MAN LOVE YOU…if he doesn’t want you,he doesn’t want…if he doesn’t love u, he will not love you…U can sex him like a porn star, cook like Siba in the kitchen, treat him like a King…Huhhhh! I learned the hard way…please don’t be like me,etswaa daar!