nyatsified

nyatsified is about my life as a township prodigical girl transforming into womanhood.

….AND THEN I FELL

 

Truth be told the only thing I remember from my fall was… my friends helping me up,quickly dusted the dirt off my clothes and I think I can also remember them advising me to go home…(eix san)and when I turned back to go fetch my glass from the guys… yhoooo, the embarrassment was too deep…yhoo and I think for a moment I went sober (Buur uit)…and Mokete…yhooo mokete’s face,I could not even read his expression,I could not figure whether it was shame,or anger or comical,Eixxxxx I was sooo embarrased.

I approached them and the alcohol in me pumped me to still…have the nerve to say something . Then I said to them… just to cover my earlier “oops moment” …”uhmmm guys I ‘m leaving coz as u can see I’m DRONK ”(LOL,a se di guava juice dilo tse…) and then as I picked my glass up and was about to leave I turned to Mokete and I remember saying to him directly…”hey Mokete..since I’m leaving can I please get a hug”( Omg who says that)?Yeah at that time my intoxicated brain cells made me say dat! and at dis moment I can safely put da blame on da Namaqua…was I crazy?did I seriously ask Mokete for a hug?Did I seriously do that?Omg I must have been seriously drunk!!! Heeeeeee….Soo after that…dis I recall very clearly even today as I’m typing my story… I still can remember his response…After I drunkenly asked Mokete for a hug, he consciously,unmistakably,seriously refused to hug me…(Yhoo how terrible is that feeling of rejection), feeling out most embarrassed, I quickly turned ,then went home.

 

The morning after…(ooooooh,ouchhhhh)

The headache I had and the pain of rejection just came flowing back as I recall the “adventures” I experienced yesterday…Wow,and the funny thing is… I remembered all the bad motions I made. I could recall the laughter from the other guys when I fell, I could also recall Mokete’s look when when his eyes motioned at me, I could clearly recall his refusal  gesture when I asked for a hug, I felt terrible,my heart poured with sorrow as I sat there on my bed, thinking,trying to beat myself up…wishing  this all was a bad dream,a nightmare…ooh how I wished it were a nightmare,atleast I could wake up from it. And unfortunately  It wasn’t…and the numerous watsapp messages I received on my phone made me very aware of that.(heeeee) The 1st one I opened read…”huh gal what was wrong wit u maabane..U really let ur reputation down,u disappointed me” (LOL…nigga plsss) I thought… the 2nd one was from Tom “Nyatsified PLEASE etswaako Mokete,o nale mosadi plssss!!!” (lol aah Tom we all know why ur soo concerned, F*** u! ) I mummered…others were just from irrelevant people who expressed their disappointment in me, but others still asked whether  I was okay and as I scrolled down( yhooo) there they were…his numbers, and as I stared at his no.,I could feel the chill behind my neck and I knew this was bad(…U know I never stored his no. in my phone by name coz I was really trying soo hard to forget  about him and thought maybe if I don’t use them I’ll also forget them,even wen I knew them by heart,huhhhhh)…it read”please leave me alone,my fiancé and I are happy together ,I won’t leave her for u,understand. Respect us pls “ (YhooR nigga) But honestly even when he has told me numerous times wen I used to “stalker him”somehow the words really hurt me deep deep deep… For the first time I listened,for the first time I understood he meant every word,Vir die eerste tyd I didnt cry for him, I really didn’t,I felt a sense of putting myself in his galfriend’s place,How would I react if I had a crazy girl hu was constantly stalking my man? How would I feel if dis gal was always calling my man,sending crazy sms’es, literally obsessed with my man. (damnnnn was I dat crazy,lol) On a serious note, for the first time I felt sorry for them, I felt ashamed for everything I have done to them as a couple, I was really ashamed,At that time I did serious introspection, and then I looked at my self as the third person,Wow… Boyyy was I obsessed with this guy!and man did I make impulsive decisions…(Eehh)Who is dis girl? That is the question I kept asking myself. Was this all worth it? Was it all worth my self esteem? Was it is all worth my time? Nooooooo,I refuse to be a puppet! I refuse to be the other gal who is “cray cray” over someone else’s boyfriend,NO! I Did’nt like the person I became, everything was based on how Mokete was going to perseive me, I dressed up for him, I went to chill at the streets for him, I came home late just to see him, even if he was just passing by the streets…Nooo! (A se ngwana mmaka dis person) He doesn’t contribute anything for me,my time, and I was not brought to this world to please some guy,No! At that time I really had a wake up call.

It was time for I, TO MOVE ON…I had to move on,I had to forget about dis guy!Bona go padile…I tried,I tested,I did it all, and I had to accept…No matter Who you are, What you look like,What you do,How much you try to impress or attract…YOU WILL NEVER MAKE A MAN LOVE YOU…if he doesn’t want you,he doesn’t want…if he doesn’t love u, he will not love you…U can sex him like a porn star, cook like Siba in the kitchen, treat him like a King…Huhhhh! I learned the hard way…please don’t be like me,etswaa daar!

Regards

Nyatsified.

Advertisements

And then…

Soo ai I finally accepted that u know what Nyatsified, Mokete is gone!out of your life,nigga don’t want you no more!Move on! Hahaha

Then I stayed single,Tom was out of the question,I ddnt feel the same way,I sometimes thought…lemme date him,let me try and date him so I would make Mokete jealous and he could see what he had let go,just to make him see what he is missing out on but the 25th years old in me went “nah gal,that’s stupid! just accept and move on”. But this was easier said than done.

Soo months went by,I started to meet my 2nd love(wine)Namaqua,4th street,u name it,I drank it. Because I was unemployed and broke,the only chance I got to drink was when my skeem came home usually month ends and we had a bad habit of buying wine and ice cubes,sit at a nearby carwash and drink,get wasted and go home.So that was my happy time,that was the only time I enjoyed myself,chilling with my skeem,drinking wine and talking kak.
Ai until oneday Tom was passing by,the car wash,he saw us chilling there and came by to chill with us because he knew some of my skeem members and mind you I was the only girl amongs those guys,huh yhooo!(Botagwa)! Ja so uhmm Tom liked our chilling sessions and he started to join us, when we would meet and drink,soo ai I ddnt mind coz I had no beef with him u know.(Grins)
So maan everything was okay,I had my chilling sessions wit them boys,agh maan life was good until oneday on a friday I think,I went somewher to attend a funeral for two days so I was absent at our chilling session,so wen I came back on sunday eeeh I was informed that my EX(ongasolveke) came with Tom at our chilling session,jah soo apparently my skeem liked him soo much (because yena shame he is a cool guy,grounded and interesting)# still inlove# they even invited him to come again,eeeeeeh banna!Mokete came to our chilling sessions? Mara guys dd you tell him that I was also part of the skeem,me myself and I?one guy said”jah noo we told him,even Tom dd,and yena he said he would definately come back and chill with us, only if its ok with you coz yena he doesn’t have beef with you”. 0ohk ofcoz I was Ok with it!I was tremoundously excited!yeah!yeah! Now I’m going to be able to see him again,even though weren’t getting back tOgether but you know,I will see him,look at him,see those pretty eyes,hmmmm and that damn sexy body hmmm he will be so close but yet soo far:(
#Music to my ears)!I couldn’t wait for our next session yhooo mmawe I was anxious.I remember planning what I was going to wear,was thinking maybe some nice fitted skinny jeans and a tyt fitting vest,Noo or maybe a nice fitted dress to show off my curves,Ja so he could see me amoungs those guys hmmm and also check out what he was missing out!yes a dress would do just dat.

Aaaah on the day of the session,it was friday I remember,I quickly did my chores,made sure I fetched my son from crech on time,wore my skimpy dress hehehe mfana!put on my cheap body spray,tuk my drinking glass and off I went to the car wash…

Tom and Jerry

You know boys, I mean guys, the male anatomy will really suprise you. And they say we women don’t know what we want pssssssh phullice(please). I guess the theory that speaks men are like dogs is true,u give a dog a full backet(barrel) ya kfc to eat,its going to eat, you then give it bones to lick,its still going to take the bones,it wont say NO! mam thank u,i just had a burrel. mxm!
So Tom is Mokete’s friend, remember Mokete?yes that one! So Tom and I we’ve known each other from when I was still in secondary school coz we shared a mutual friend who lived da same street to my home. So that’s how we got to know each other.
Jah, so on the wedding day,the day I met Mokete,Tom was the one who actually introduced us.Yeah! Soo after myself and Mokete got things up and running Tom suddenly became the middle guy,u know like he kept tabs on us,and I started to like him because he would feed me info about Mokete’s wherabouts and so on and we kinda ended up to become friends.(Big mistake)
Soo our “friendship” grew for a couple of weeks, you know we had each other’s numbers and we would watsapp,sometime he would come to check”how I’m doing” u know he gave that kind of attention that Mokete lacked,soo even though sometimes it made me wonder to why?he was doing all that? aii maan I just came to a conclusion that maybe he was just fond of me because I was dating his friend.
So it really didn’t bother me that much, until one day when I was visiting Mokete(u knw after having a good good time)#winks… laying on his chest(reminisce) he then popped and asked me if whether I have noticed anything different about Tom?I was like “yes baby yhooo Tom is giving me soo much attention lately”I started telling him everything that Tom was doing, and knowing Tom u know his character was totally changed towards me.Tom ke bashimane ba le u know,kasi boys they tell you straight to your face,like it is,he’s rough,he doesn’t watch wat he says around girls, like no gal wants him,he’s irritating,he talks too much maan plus he’s got a big ego,soo suddenly motho when he is with me he doesn’t do those things,he started acting sweet,caring he would call to check up on me,u know he became the total opposite of the real Tom. So( haha) Mokete came out straight and said well “Nyatsified Tom wao rata” And my reaction was in total shock!huh?and he continued to say “ja,I saw the way he looks at you and he is always talking to me about you” heee banna! Tom mara really?!? Honestly I was disgusted because Tom knew that I loved Mokete whole heartedly and he was the one who was cheering me on ka Mokete and now yena wa nrata?!like really?!? Seriously I was angry because I perceived it to be that maybe ebile No! its not love Tom just wants to “betha one” then le yena a utlwe masutsa ao Mokete ne a utlwang(lols) coz it seems like Mokete(bloody hell) was “toloking” about how we get down! who knows?!? but still I could’nt get it expecially from WHY? Tom,I confided in him damn! he knew that I was inlove with Mokete!mxm
But then I ddnt go and confront him,aaah I was bored, I started avoiding him because you know he had no chance Mokete was no.1 and I ddnt want him to think that maybe I too felt the same wit Tom. Soo I put a stop to it nje with actions and made sure that I make it clear that “hold it ryt there nigga,I only fuck one guy,one at a time and ryt now M is da guy I’m fucking and loving it,soo put ur skinny ass down!)Hahaha well I ddnt tell him that to his face,I just made it clear with actions.
Ooh well so because things don’t always go the way we plan them or would love them to go M and I broke up and boy ooh boy was it a messy break up on my side:(.I could not get over him!and yet again that made Tom to get closer to me.Eix! Tom was there for me,he told me all the right things,he showed me symphathy and yet boosted my self confidence,he would say things like “I knew Mokete was not right for u,nyatsified you deserve a man who is going to be yours and only yours,hu’s going to take care of u and ur child,hu is going to love and appreciate you”heeee khante inja doesn’t think that I know that he was talking about himself!mxm But no matter what bad thing he said about Mokete,I ddnt listen because I kept lying to myself believing that M and I would get back together.(Stupid inlove)!

Heeeeeeeeee until oneday Tom nearly got his way and I publictly humiliated myself!!!…

family matters

You know growing up life throws you with different challenges…be it relationships,friendships,family matters etc. Now you get to see why that one rakgadi doesn’t come when there are family gatherings,the animosity between family rivals,why that one uncle only comes when there are funerals#scenario he’ll show up with his expensive car,with his family looking all lavishing from head to toe,and we would gossip about them when they have left together with my aunts.(Hahaha) We all wanted to grow up fast not knowing that life as an adult is heavy to control. I remember whilst growing up I had the opportunity to stay with my paternal grandparents in limpopo. Before I stayed the we used to go visit them during school holidays and I can tell you that I looked forward to each and every visit to them because they would spoil me rotten and I think also as a child I was attracted to the fact that they owned a spaza shop and, that was heaven because I could get any sweets,chips you mention it. It was there. So for us to be taken there to stay with them I thought Wow it was going to be amazing! That was a dream come true. I imagined that I would be treated like a princess the way I was when I visited,I thought hmmm my life was just going to be the best.
We moved to seshego in 1997 when I was going to do my grade 3. I was young,innocent and full of charisma. I was that girl that did everything in primary,drummajoretes I was there, school choir,drama,beauty contest I participated in everything. And for that matter of fact back then those things needed money,we had to pay or buy our own uniforms soo going staying in limpopo I thought,now I was going to do all that beccause my grandparents can afford.huh! let me tel you that I practised the whole year at my new school but unfortunately I only went to two competitions which were free,that was school choir and sports day event That’s it! The others I could not go because my grandparents said they ddnt have money,and believe me when I tell you that it was so embarrasing because I was known back then when I came to the school that I was the granddaughter of a Thobela fm host and a jazz philanthropist plus a tavern owner.Yhoo those were my two worst. years in grade 3 and 4. I was a child I ddnt understand. My grandparents changed from being the best grandparents ever to omg! who are these people! My sister and I were promised a better land(lol) when we came here and my mom thought she was just making a better decision by sending us to live with her father because life was a little difficult for her after she had separated with my father. When we got there unfortunately we were treated like slaves. We had to do hard labour each and everyday of our lives. My grandarents owned a spaza shop plus tavern soo it was a busy home. Our daily activities were that I had to wash dishes and clean our room.I was still young so some activities I found them fun to do. It was my first time learning to wash dishes so it was an exciting experience. Though on the other hand my sister was the one who had to endure all the hardwork. She had to after school,clean the house,and go and run the tuckshop after four o’ clock because the. Maid hu was hired to work in the shop clocked off at four. She had to be in da shop until nine o’clock in the evening and she wasnt allowed to go and play or what so ever on the streets and mind you she was only 13 years old.I was nine years old so though I was also not allowed to play outside my yard, after a few beatings from my grandad I finally was left to just go and play on the streets but my curfew was at 4’o clock in the afternoon so I had to come back and help my sister out in the spaza. We had to lift beer cases all day. I enjoyed it because I was still young but eventually it got to me,becuse I noticed that many peers didn’t do what I did,they were children,they played til late,they didn’t do any chores and though they thought I was the one who had a better life I started to retalliate and we would comlain to my mother when she came to visit but she didn’t take us seriously she just told us to be grateful and what we were taught was descipline.(Lol)I was not looking forward to go home when it was after school. My grandarents are very strict people soo they didn’t entertain nonsense at all. Though they took good care of us,it was not a loving home that we came from. Everything was about money and to us it was a foreign language because we were not used to such staff  as,cheese in the fridge,palony,russians and kellogs.(What?!?) We only saw those things on tv but to have them in real life wow! It was paradise but we only ate them when we were athourised to. My grandmother(my mother’s step mom) was a robot,she changed like every minute. One day she would be happy and tell us or complain that she buys food but we never eat it,we must not waste food because she bought the food for us but then the next day she would shout at us and say we eat like dogs because everything gets finished before the month ends and she is no longer buying anything, but she did buy the grocery and she would literally hide other food from us and she would  forget where she hid them and when she finally remembered she would find them rotten.(Hahaha#smirk) On weekends she would make us work like crazy,she liked deceiving us by telling us that we had to clean thoroughly because she had visitors den she would make us scrub the floors,the walls and wash curtains and windows it was an every weekend thing and we got used to it. Though it was harder for my sister because she had to do all the work I just played around and did some work. It got harder for me too when I started growing up because now I too had to do that cleaning. My grandfather was more strict,though he wasn’t home most of the time he didn’t even notice the resiliance we had   after some time, he just wanted us to     be disciplined and shame maan he is a good man but strict. He taught me many things and I still am grateful to him plus we were close,I would go with him everywhere,town or work even on sunday eveningswhen he had jazz gigs he would take me along,lol and I remember that when we attended those jazz gigs most bars ddnt sell cooldrinks but only alcohol and ciders and they  also sell this one Shweppes dry lemon,and that’s what he bought me,and it then became my favourite drink. Still today when I drink it I brings great nostalgia. And then there was this other day wheni thought I was going to hate him for the rest of my life. I had taken my friend who was also my neighbour to go along with me to visit my cousins in some other zone. The distance was lyk a few kilometers away from my home so we were able to go walk there. I had told my grandmother where I was going but my friend didn’t have the time to go back home nd report that she was going away with me. Then we just left to go visit my cousins. We spent da whole day with them where by we even forgot that we hv to go back home by foot. And when we saw that it was late we decided to finally leave but when we were about to go its started to rain cats and dogs. By then back home my friends parents were constantly coming to my grandparents’s house to seek their child who they last heard that she left with me. And their coming back continuously irritated my grandfather that when he saw that it was starting to rain he called my cousins’s home telephone and asked if we have left yet but he was told that we are still there because the rain stopped us. Then he told them that he was coming to fetch us so we must wait for him. Ohk we waited,it was a relief to us. Then he came by,picked us up then we left to go home. I noticed something unusual about my grandfather,he was quiet all the way home but I thought Ai       its one of those and honestly I ddnt think we did anything wrong that day but yhooo little did I know!(Marikana masacre) We dropped my friend off then we got into my yard,then into the house. My grandmother started shouting at me when I got in da house but aah I ddnt care I was used to her shouting then before I sat down to eat then gang gang!!! My grandfather called me to his bedroom. Ejoo honestly I ddnt know I was gonna get moered(hehe) I seriously did not see if I was at fault. And when I was called into the bedroom I was totally unaware that I was in deep shit!(Hehehe) I got in there and bam! I saw him holding a sjambok and he started to take his glasses off and damn that’s when I knew shit was going down! I started to cry just by that sight because I was sooo scared. Yhoooo I got whipped.I got beaten and beaten and then whipped then my grandmother came into the bedroom to stop my grandfather screaming “noo u’ll kill the child” but he pushed her away and started to hit me with his hands yhoooo I got moered that day!(Heeeee) then he finally let me go and I was left with bruises all over my body. The next day when I woke up my body ached all over and I couldn’t get out of bed.(Sorry u will not believe that I still cry when I remember all this,even now I’m typing with tears,aish) My sister was the one who took it all pretty bad that the next day she went to the telephone booth(there weren’t cellphones that time) and called my mother at work to tell her the bad news. My mother ddnt take it all well too, she also  called my grandfather and ask what was happening. I don’t know what their conversation was but I think I know it ended up with my mom saying she was going to come and take us to go back to Pretoria when the year ended. And I remember that evening my grandfather called us all to the dining room for a meeting and he was angry at my sister for calling my mom. And I remember the meeting ended quietly gloomy because we were both asked if we wanted to go back to pretoria,I said no and my sister said she wanted to go stay with my mom. Look I was young and I was bribed to stay behind because my grandmother promised me to take me to a multiracial school.(Hahaha) but it never happened my mom refused for us to be separated soo I went back with my sister and mom. And the words that my grandfather uttered to my sister dat day I will never forget them,he said”I tried to give you and your little sister a better future, now you have destroyed that future for her,go and stay with your mother and let’s see how u turn out,go back to your poverty”(sigh) and you know what back I ddnt understand what he was talking about until I grew older and exacly comprehended the words,word by word (lol) and all I have to say in reply to all that is I’m dissapointed in my grandfather he really believed that his own daughter was in poverty but not once in my lifetym have I ever heard my Mom ask my grandfather for money in any way,even when we lived with them my dad was the one who paid for our school fees and for school trips.I also remember that My sister and I had failed that term with our academics and he told us how stupid we were that we didn’t care about our school work(school work kanjani re kuka di case tsa di beer ko spaza shop)  And as for us since I got back from seshego not once in my lifetime have I ever gone to bed hungry even though my mom’s frigde didn’t have russians and cheese we survived soo unfortunately if that’s what he calls poverty then hahaha well poverty really loves us.  Because we’ve never been soo much happier!and I’m proud to mention that even when we came back to stay with my mother we started doing well with our academics. I was one of the best learner in my primary school(so says the certificate in my achievement file) and soo was my sister in her high school,soo u see “poverty” did us well.
To cut the long story short, we moved back to Soshanguve in 2000 and we never looked back. Though my mom forgave den and I too, we still went to see them during school holidays but as for my sister it took her a while to forgive but eventually she did. And as for me my retaliation started when I turned 18 and developed the animosity for them because constantly my grandmother would make funny remarks to my cousins in Seshego, about how stupid we were to live behind a big house and choose to stay in a shack in Soshanguve (hahaha) and abt how we left behind a geyser and bath tub to go wash ka mo skotlolong (hahahahaha) I mean really how silly was that. But that time I got angry when my cousins told me and you know how children are they turned it into a joke and I ended up not going to visit them in limps for over 5years, not talking to my grandparents at all. And I only started talking to them recently when my child was born because they called me and wanted to see my child and I went there only because mymother talked to me about it and asked me to forgive them and ke tswee daar,and beside they getting old and ba hlomola pelo soo agh I finally went to visit them with my child. I may have forgiven them but I will never forget.

Soo the little bitch was getting too much. Miranda bitch would call Ben,take advantage of his kindness and asks him to “ooh please drive me to wonderpark” “ooh Ben I have to go get my nails done ko di BB,pls take me der” or “ooh Ben I’m bored,can I come play PSP with you” and when I called I’ll ask o nale mang? And he would say “I’m playing playstation with M”.Ohk hmm nice now she enjoys playing PSP.huh!(Re tla re ke di pitsi,ra bona ka mebala).And bitch knew that everything she did with Ben,he would tel me. And she made sure of that,because eventually when I were to bump into her she would say things like”ooh Ben maabane we enjoyed neh” heee!(Bitchoo)and mo-boy would try to emphasise it and say “ya,sure playing PSP,it was ok” (lol) and I would be soo worked up because she had achieved what she wanted, I got angry at Ben. Heee I remember bitch onetym said, when we were sitting at Ben’s room all three of us,”aah Benito today I went to skul wit my phone and u knw I had dat picture of us on my wallpaper and my friends kept saying nna le wena we look good together,can u believe it”den bitch would giggle eeh huh I was like WTF?and “Benito” would luk at me and he saw my face dat I was abt to loose it and he would reply with “huh ba phapha neh”. Yhoo dis gal succeded in my “piss me off department and she excelled wit distinctions” and I knew dat was her goal but I never resisted,because I’ll end up fighting wit Ben more! It got worse she made sure that she alienated me to Ben’s friends and cousins. She told them that I ddnt like her and I was controlling Ben. Though I acted tough deep down dis gal was worning me out,I was experience hattred one on one with a gal who doesn’t even know me. And because I was from a lower class and she from a middle class,I looked dowwwn upon myself.I could not see myself fight with this gal,she was in a higher calibre,and most of all I had no doubt that Ben would choose her over me. But despite all that I still stayed with Ben,I knew that oneday Miranda bitch will go too far. Onetym Ben’s mom had a birthday party hosted at Ben’s home. So we were were all invited,and also to stay longer for a braai later,some of Ben’s friends and cousins came and so did I, along with my cousin and a close friend of my myne. So wen we got there at Ben’s home we put our bags and jckets in Ben’s room and went outside to chill with the others. Later dat day we had fun and we were drinking wines nd enoying da braai. Miranda was also there and acting as if she’s one of the “Makotis” at Ben’s. Soo I don’t know who died and gave her the authority to hold keys from the Boys rooms which one of them was Ben’s room. Soo our alcohol was in der and frequently when we ran out of a bottle we wud tel Ben then he would ask for a key from Miranda bitch. At first, Ben told me that if I needed a bottle I should go and seek keys from MIranda,and go and take da bottle from his room. I gave him that look that said “u know that is not going to happen akere” then I told him no its ok if he’s busy we’ll just have to wait for him until he finishes den he’ll go fetch it for us. I didn’t want any encounter with her because bitch jst knows how to press my buttons. It was not a problem until it was towards midnyt and we were starting to feel cold as the midnyt chilly wind was getting into our bones. So Ben had taken some of his friends home and we had stayed behind. I thought we would wait for him so we could go take our jackets from his room. But my cousin and friend were now starting to feel very cold and Ben was nowhere near from coming back home,soo I stood up and went to look for Miranda. First tym when I found her,she said she was still busy with something,she’ll come(ok fine),so I just went back to sit down.I was starting to feel annoyed because bitch was taking her time.(YHO!!) Then I went to find her sitting down in the house,I asked her friend to tell her dat if she’s still busy can I atleast have the keys,to take the jackets out then I’ll return the keys(heard how polite that was). Ok! Then bitch told her friend “nah tel dem that I just don’t give the keys to anyone,they’ll have to wait for me” (Yhoo when I heard that) I got pissed,anyone?really? me is anyone! Heee! So I got in the house swiftly went to her and asked for the keys. She then reluctantly and rolling her eyes went to the boys room with me by that tym my cousin and friend were waiting at the door of Ben’s room. Then my cousin said to me “Yhoo kgante key ya teng we have to pay for it,huh Mary) soo I laughed. Then bitch opened the door and we got in and wore our  jackets as she was waiting for us at the door. We stubbornly started applaying our make up,fixing our hair and lipgloss. Then bitch says “can u pls hurry I have to b busy”then she just messed up by saying “mxm” and boy I ddnt waste tym with going out to her and asking her to repeat the MXM she just said?she gave me a condescending look and I just remember fumming with rage and I just jumped on her and started hitting her soo hard and strangling her (I am not proud of that moment:()I don’t knw when Ben got back, I just saw him trying to pull me back from her coz gal I was just kicking and hitting and pulling her braids out. And by dat time I had an advantage of a bald head soo I ddnt get my hair pulled out too. YHOO I was raged. Now everyone was around us and some were helping Ben to pull me back. They quiclkly intervined and pulled me inside the bedroom and I was crying like hell. And so was she.(Got that) Poor gal had a few braids left on her sculp and bruises all over and I when I got home later I discovered  that the little bitch had scratched me with her nails on my neck.(Mxm)

Then dats when things started to break,although I continued dating Ben,things were just not like they were before. We decided to give each a “break” but we both knew it was going to be a long long break. It was bad because I was the girlfriend that traaap his bestfriend,and now his bestfriend was not talking to him anymore. Plus to his family, I was the ghetto gal who beat people around soo they ddnt like me as such.  Well I could have handled the situation better with Miranda but I did what I felt by that time was the right thing to do, when a bitch disrespects you,bitch should handle the outcome.

The moral of the story is,sometimes people will treat you like trash especially when they view you as someone who is inferior,based on the size of your house,or what car your parents drive or what education u get. its a shame because none of those things define who you are or what you are going to be,so unfortunately you can’t go around beating up everyone who is condescending to you,rather kill them with success because only then will they respect you.

BEN 10

Relationships are hard to maintain,when ur not dealing with
a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend,you have inlaws who are constantly in your business,trying to control how your relationship should go. When your not dealing with that, you find that there is this one girl who is a “friend” to your man and constantly needs to be reminded that she should ease up with the sms’es, the midnyt calls and regular visits
because madam”yes me,the main chick” is responsible for all those
things…get it,got it,good!

Speaking of which I once had this boyfriend who I dated for a period
of tym back then when I was still young.Yhoo mo-boy was those nice guys,who had friends,many friends. He was a Ben 10 nyana 4 me coz he was 3years behind me. That’s why he had many friends,he was still young akere, it’s said that…”When you start
loosing friends,it means you are growing up”.
Soo ok Ben and I started dating when I was doing my 1st year in TUT. He
was dos ugly guys who gals will not even look at him twice,agh but
because its me,I happen to have a fetish for not so” looking good” guys because I
felt I had a bait, that when dey break my heart eventally I can say
“aah tsamaya skobo ke wena,ne ko zama” but not to their faces though,
hahaha dats just how I console myself.(Don’t judge)
Soo what attracted me to Ben(obviously not his looks) was the fact
that although he was younger than me,he was soo mature for his age. He
would tel me things I too will be like,wow I ddnt knw that.Soo
basically his brains and the fact that he was a chiz boy(bo” mommy can
I”) really made me think not twice, because back then for a kasi gal
like me,dating a guy who drives a car(parent’s car) lives in a big
house and goes to a multiracial school was big and it made me popular
amongst peers. So I was the chick who is dating Ben wa chizboy,it was
trendy,it gave me value nyana(was it worth it,Nope).
Even though in university,I was surrounded by guys my age and two
times chiz boys,I only had eyes for Ben. He was still in high school
soo I think for him also to be going out with a “university chick”
gave him status nyana amongst majita,so we overall used each
other.(Silly,I know) Ben and I were fine together,though we were still
young,we understood each other and loved each other. My family knew
him but from his side only his mom knew me(eix).Agh but that ddnt
matter,we were together,we drove around with his moms car,we bought
menyonyo ko pick n pay,He took me to watch movies at nyt in
sterland(ne re sa jagele gore di taxi dia fela) plus he sometimes gave
me R200 from his weekly pocket money and that, only mattered.

One problem with Ben was…he had this one friend yhooo dis gal,I will never
forget her. Ben had a childhood friend who grew up with him,
apparently since from crech up until now,and chikita will let it be
known that “she and Ben grew u together”(mxm,bitches)soo they were
best friends so to speak.
Soo Miranda, was those kinda gals who was the best friend that ddnt
like me,the new girl in Ben’s life,soo girl was in my space. Bitch
would constantly ooh, you know whenever I came to visit Ben at his
place,bitch would be there,whenever Ben wants to take me out,bitch
would want to go out with us and she would just come up with a crazy
excuse that ooh she’s gna meet her friends der or some ish like that.
So most of the time Ben would agree and let her come with and I too
ddnt have a prob at 1st but hai maan I later realised that Noooo dis
bitchoo had an agenda.
I remember this one other time one of Ben’s friends had a house party
in Theresa park. Soo it was my 1st house party and get this,I’m a kasi
gal, back where I’m from we never had this kinda ish,neither my
friends nor I had the slightest idea what a house party experience was
like,we only saw it on tv and it was for white kids. So even when one
decided to throw a house party,it wudnt happen,literally,imagine,I
live in a 3room shack,people will be burned by prima stoves if I threw a
house party.
Soo they came to pick me up,and we drove der all 8 of us because, Ben
had borrowed a caravela from his dad soo we could all go with in it
together with his cousins and some of his friends including “Miranda
bitch”. When we got there agh it was nice shame,his friends were nice
to me and also some of the the gals eix but Miranda bitch when she saw that their friends ddnt have a problem with me,she would make nasty remarks like..ooh dis year we have an intruder to our party and ish like dat and ppl would ignore her so did I . Eix everyone was skhuwalizing(speaking english) left right and centre,and get me
right,I can speak english, though my english is not uttered with
nostrils and is not as fast, but when spoken to,I can express myself
immaculately Ok!. So even though I only spoke when spoken too that day.Soo this
little incident happens, I’m in the kitchen with these gals,dey
were busy cooking there and some of us we were just standing around
watching, so this one girl says in English “if u wanna go and sit in
the lounge,u may..”so I ddnt realize chickita was toking to me soo I
kept quiet and only realized later that, everyone looked at me and that’s when I
noticed dat maybe she was talking to me,soo I said “huh” bathong
bitches started to luk at each other and giggled,and bitch Miranda was
like”tel her in sotho,some of us dnt understand english” and they all
laughed including her,eix I got pissed off,I just replied with a smile
and said I was ok standing,but yhoo inside my straat mate personality
wanted to come out Yho ek was vis. And what made me more angry was
that my” Huh” was not for” I didn’t understand what’s been said”, it was for
“r u talking to me” unfortunately I was a joke and that killed the
little confidence I had amongst this chiz, snobbish,rude kids.(Mxm)
So from then I hated Miranda bitch for real,for her “funny” comment. I
never told Ben about what happened in the kitchen because I was also
embarrased myself.(This kasi gal hu can’t even answer a simple
question in english when spoken too) Yhoo I felt soo low.

Soo for Miranda and I it was On Yhoo it was so On. I made a promise to
myself that I will get her.
Since then I hated her guts but I didn’t want to make it obvious to Ben
because I respected that she was his friend. Nigga got
hints from the refusal I made whenever like for instance,he would ask
me”bubu Miranda says she wants to come chill with us, is it ok?” And
I’ll say “no tell her we are having sex”(lol). So things like that.
Then bitch started realising that she’s been cut most of the tym dats
when she started her little conniving,coconut,twisted ways,(noo Miranda
bitch u were messing with the wrong kasi queen).

I had to…

The bibble quotes…thou shall not judge.

Dont get me wrong, I was worried when Mpilo wanted to stop what we are doing and go and switch the light off…(hu does dat) but i did not judge him maybe the armse guy performed better when in the dark.(haha) After all he was my boo, so I respected his request and I waited for nigga to do his thing.Sharp lights were off, then shall we continue.( I had that look on my face). We took where we left off, as we were busy smooching each other then i could feel that nigga was now comfortable  as he started taking my undies off, hmmmm throwing me on the bed, and hmmm ish was about to go down!

There I was twisting and turning with him and you know it’s obvious that I had to feel his 4-5 all hard and eager somewhere down there, akere mara. Yhooo I came closer and closer thinking maybe its pointing somewhere on the side. YHO! I felt nothing. And I’m thinking maybe I should take my hand down der to feel whats happening. YHO! Nigga i dont know how he saw my hand going there then he quickly brushed it off. Hee banna!

 

 

Nigga brushed my hand away.ok…I’m thinking it luks like I’m not
supposed to touch it. (Got da message). Then we continued,he put on da
condoma nd as I lay back to adjust myself to welcome him into me,..eeeh
nigga is busy pushing me up,ok, I go up,den he presses against
me,ok!like mind u we’re in da dark I can’t see wats happening. Then he
says “eix iya phezulu kancane” hee banna phezulu kae love coz tla be
ka thula lebota.(Hai)but I did obey and I went up until I was against
da wall ok,so u know what I figured maybe I should open a little wider and I did, and waited…YHOOO! Da next thing I knw
I felt him coming! (Bathong,o rotile?!?)
I felt a confused , and I had to ask…baby o rotile? Then I’m
sure the poor guy was embarrased by my question so he started again,he
put on his condom and I asked him if I can come on top dis tym,(lol,ddnt
wanna get robbed) eeh da guy refused like Hell No!(Hee banna) ok get
in,ol dis tym I’m thinking mara what’s happening here,dis is da
weirdest sex I’ve ever had, like I have not felt any penetration in me,for
the last hour we started foreplay.Ai (ngwana Modimo) I again opened my
legs and waited. This time guy is busy fighting to get into me, I can
feel one hand on my back and the other hand was holding his ish…uhm
hm hm guy is trying to push it in (u hear me),and he finally said “eix dis condom is
slipping off”… huh? Lol,how does a condom slip off pls do tel me.
Hai all I can tell you is dat nigga was busy humping and pumping but I
couldn’t understand vir wat coz I’m still waiting for the damn thing to get inn.

The next thing motho has come Again, I was shocked like such robbery, I
mean I haven’t felt a thing, I was still waiting!!!
I was just ashamed to ask. (‘boo we tsentshitse”?) YHO! It was confirmed
to me when he came for the second time, and this guy was having sex with me,
but I wasn’t .
After that nigga had the odesity to tell me that he’s tired,wat?! Like
tired from wat? Poking poking me on my outer vjj? Yhoo ek was vis, I
was mad! I ddnt say a word ,I just turned my back on him and closed my
eyes wondering what the heck did just happen?
I’ve had sex with guys ,big or small or bigger or medium and I can tell
you, I have seen what I was working with, I have witnessed every 4-5 that
ever got inside me, though I don’t remember some but I have touched
them ,sucked them and etc, but on that day I was flabbergusted, confused
and felt like this is just a huge nightmare I’m gonna wake up now out
of this and wake up next to man, hus gonna rock me hard and make me reach
more than 8 times.(Hahaha in my dreams)
Ok, like what I did not follow was, if nigga was ashamed of his
little man, like shoud n’t he had consulted,I  mean there are things out there to help such “small problems”(lol,penis enlargement pills and staff) such a grow ass man,27 years old, didn’t know that,ok!maybe he was scared of the after effects but really atleast performance let it be super and beyond,why was he so selfish.(mxm) or he should have discussed it with me 1st,nd see how I
could have reacted to it.I’m a woman,I’ve met small dicks before and
da sex was pleasant(lol,not wow! but satisfying)and what made it worse
was his lack of confidence from when he asked to switch da lights
off made me loose interest in what we were about to do and get more
cautious on what is it that he was trying to hide, the moment I
realised that it was because of his little 4-5 I got more turned
off,hense I didnt even feel it when it penetrated.

I was bored,I needed to cry and scream like WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!?!
During midnight after 12 I think I felt his hand trying to phophola
me,and just I pretended to hear nothing until he gave up and went to
sleep. I did’nt need  Another torture!
The morning after, I woke up feeling gloomy, I  just wanted to go home. He
woke up, and I think he can see it on my face that ish was not right. He
then tried to talk to me like nothing was wrong,he kept on going about
how he was tired yesterday and how work was stressing him. Like dude
was in da dark,I don’t know whether he didn’t get my frustrations or
he just ignored it, or nigga was moegoe like dat!
Still bored and angry,I started to pack my bags and showered,I jst
could not stand his presence anymore,I just needed to go,and thinking
about the long drive back home,just the two of us no just made me even
more pessimistic and angry.
He then came to hug me,wanted to kiss me,and I was sour and I
could not pretend. I only wanted him to ask me why was I like this,
if only he could ask me what’s wrong with me, I kept thinking. And I
sure will tell him what was on my mind.
I finally gave inn and let him convince me to cuddle with him on the
bed after we had showered,separately. We set there quietly,awkwardly
then we eventally started kissing. Kissing and kissing then I unzipped
his pants i ddnt want to give him a chance for him to stop me,I got all
wild and pulled them down then took his underpants off and BANG looked
down and YHO! Hahahaha I was shocked by the little thing that exposed
itself,I looked like a little baby carrot and I just wanted to laugh
but I pulled myself towards myself and when nigga realised that I was still
looking at it with shock he quickly slipped me under him and got on
top me. Ah! and I played along,I pretended the whole round and made him
feel like he was doing something great. And the tension was eased a
little when we got into the car and drove back home,though I was still
in awe trauma, And I just made up my mind right der and den that u knw
what,I’m done with this guy,I dnt nid to suffer such trauma again,I’d
rather be alone than be unsatisfied. I mean really,nigga won’t let me
touch him,blow job him or do anything to him,just because his ego will
be bruised if I saw his baby carrot,And he also didn’t want to talk about it. Aowa I’ve seen baby carrots before
and their owners had rocked me like they had an extra large,its all
about the confidence you put in urself and I’m hundreds that your
partner will not even notice that, dat’s a baby carrot. I mean we can
play around with it.
Soo agh I wasn’t going to stick around and be robbed off,literally in
da dark and sometimes daylight for ever,good qualities will not rock
me,a nice car will not rock me,money will not fuck me and definately
not his little finger,soo I bounced.
When we got home,I kissed him goodbye and ran into the house,laid on
my bed and deleted everythiing about him,everything.
Lol, I even changed my numbers,like guy even today, he hasn’t seen nor
heard from me,dat was the last day I saw him,when he dropped me off at
the gate after a weekend disaster!
I’m sorry,(I can’t dzeal) I acted like a coward,maybe I should have insisted for us
to talk about it but feel like Guy should have approached me first,after all its his incapability, but instead I chose to run away.(Shoot me).
Sorry, and more shocking, guy has like two kids and I’m still asking
myself how?!? YHO! (Banyana ra kgotlella shame)!!!

little man

Time heals…Eventually I found strength to pick my self up and move on.

Months after, I started dating again and though some of the guys I met were good and better they just didn’t compare to him,I was still insecure, not content and still looking for Mokete’s replica in each of the guys I dated,lol and I guess that’s why we never lasted.

But, I dated this one other guy who nearly made me believe that He was the “one”.(hahaha I knw, another one). My cousin once told me( when I was complaining to him about how I never find a man who is just formidable), he said that the problems with us ladies is that we tend to over think how a relationship should be instead of living in the moment,enjoy that person and take it one day at a time. Don’t find yourself thinking about what my friends  are going to think about him when they see him, is he with me just for sex? , Is he this, or OMG what if he does that? We find ourselves expecting the unexpected,asking silly questions that we end up loosing focus on what’s real now. And lol, yes I have done that a millions times. When I’m dating a guy, already I’ll be imagining us having sex before it happens,then I’ll be wondering how we’ll break up or what if he breaks up with me 1st or what if he’s phsycho u knw all the negative assumptions and sometimes when I really like a guy I’ll be imagining what kind of a husband will he be,how will he propose,whether his family is going to like me etc.(and all that Vir Wat?) which in most cases its normal but high risky because now you’ll be expecting the poor guy to prove himself to you everyday. (LADIES)

Soo Mpilo and I were long time friends. We knew each other back from primary school and he later relocated so I never saw him again until recently when we reconciled on facebook.*lol.Then he asked for my digits,we started chatting and he seemed like a great guy.(a great potential ,a slang word I would normally use wen I’m referring to him). He was also sweet, a nice Ndebele guy from Siyabuswa. Like me, he was also single, employed and he had two children with two different girls (eix san). But you know me usually I would have run away from the moment he told me that but u know  when you’re a single mom like I am u usually don’t have many options with the guys you would want to date. It’s either you will be “shelled” by that guy who once shella you back in the days when you thought kasi guys were a bore and to ghetto for your liking or Sibongile ‘s older brother who was once the ‘chama boy” of ekasi and now nigga is 35 years old, has 4 children with different girls in the same block. So I thought to myself you know what as long as I don’t have to deal with the baby mammas I’m cool plus he is taking goodcare of his children soo he is a loving guy soo why Not.

This didn’t happen the usual way, where by… I would date a guy then after a week(LOL) I would have sex with him. Nope. Mpilo was a gentleman. We discussed everything before hand and we agreed not to engage in intercourse until we are certain about where the relationship is going.(hmmm ayeye brothers omuhle). So it was like that,though I was a little sceptical about that coz eix u knw a gal’s got to be laid(lol) but eeh I never said a word I just went with the flow,I too wanted to impress phela.(soo  ngas’bamba)

Soo because he lived in Mpumalanga we constantly had to exchange visits. He would come to soshanguve to visit his relative( soo he could see me) and I too had to suddently go visit my granny who I’ve never  visited before in my lifetym,(soo I could see him). I could not just go to his home because apparently his parents were strict to that extreme where by a gal could’nt just sleep over without nigga popping the promise ring or some ish like that(u know how the Ndebele culture is). So we only saw each other only  on those weekends when I came to visit my “granny”. Our relationship was fun,it was ok but even though I was not hundreds with because I think I just hoped for the worsts. It was just too good to be true. I had suspisions that nigga was maybe seeing one of his baby mamas even though he never gave me a reason to. He was profoundly loyal and I knew that, but my black girl, nyatsified experience, made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or huh…nigga really?!? No sex?some how I have conterminated my mind with all the rubbish I heard and grew up acquiring it in my mind that… Sex will keep a man(which is not true) Good sex will make him not cheat on me (which is also not true). When a man cheats on you,its not because you the “main chick” your doing something wrong, or maybe you lack this or that. Men CHEAT because its in their nature,its biological that a man will not be monotonius whether he likes it or not. Soo its just unfortunate that when men cheat on us,we usually put the blame on ourselves,Vir Wat? 

Mpilo was one of the good guys,he gave me his outmost attention. He was also caring,made sure he called me everyday in da morning,afternoon and evening.He was those guys that would call u at 1am past midnight to tell you that he loves youJ. He would buy me flowers,text me sweet romantic song lyrics. He was too good to be true. Let me be honest with you, I had a hunch.(and was I wrong…?)

Soo this other time we had just celebrated our 2months anniversary. Soo my boo(Mpilo) had a trip to go to Mafikeng with work. Soo he invited me to tag along with him sommar make it our own celebration for the anniversary with a road trip. I thought it was romantic soo I had to convince my mom extremely so she could look after my baby while I’m gone for the weekend.

Soo  the weekend was finally here. On that Thursday before our departure on Friday,nigga wouls text me and say how he is looking forward to spending time alone with me, how he wants me soo bad and how he is going to rock me soo bad,I should be ready and I should pack somethimg sexy for me to wear on our big night. And I was like ooohk soo its happening this weekend…J ayeye ,I was no virgin and yeses I couldn’t say No to that! I was also looking forward to our “big night”.(hmmmmm) So there I was running to MR PRICE  early on Friday morning, grabbing some sexy nyana lingerie to wear for my man!yebo!(mosadi) I was excited.

The road trip was nice, romantic, hmmm we just could not wait to get to the hotel. Because my boo and I, we love our alcohol amd we were too excited we ended up indulging with wine over limits that Friday  evening when we got to our room,yhooo! all I remember was getting up on Saturday morning ,fully clothed, soo basically the night before…nothing happened we just got drunk and passed out. Ok… on Saturday he went out to work the whole afternoon since he was there with work,and I was left in the hotel room alone recovering from babalas. I had time to prepare
nyana der ,make the room all nice and ready (like in the movies) though I didn’t have romantic candles but I improvised, I bathed then put on my sexy little lingerie, then waited for him to come back from work.

Hmm nigga was impressed,we ate takeaway dinner that he brought inn,on the floor wher we were sitted,then we drank wine,lol only this time we did not drink it too much and now the hormones were starting to run high. Hmmmm we started kissing on the floor, we rolled down, we kissed and kissed and kissed some more,(hee banna) nigga is not taking my undies off.HAISH soo I started to take initiative,he was only wearing his bvd so I started to pull it down. Eeh nigga removed my hand, ok! i’m thinking ooh boo just get into me already! Hai maybe he’s not der yet,I’m thinking. Soo I tried it again still nigga removed my hand ok!and this time I said to him”ooh baby I want you soo bad”  then nigga was like “woo let me go and switch the light off”.

 Wait WHAT?!?(u know in da movies when der comes a scene of two ppl trying to make love and there they are hot and heavy and nice music is playing in the background, then suddenly one of dem  mourns da wrong name to the their partner,and then da music in the background suddenly stops with a scretch!) dats how I felt,my temparature suddenly dropped and I said to him (confused) why would you want to switch the light off???

(Heeeeeee kgante nigga has a big secret,or should I say little secret,hahahahahaha

Many people may jugde me for being involved with a commited guy and yes, I can’t justify it an any way,I was wrong.
 I  did not plan to be a nyatsi,its degrading and humiliating.Did I think that he would leave his gal for me,Yes!at that time I was stupid,I wasn’t thinking straight,I just needed to belong
to someone,I needed to also have a” boyfriend”. Was it a lesson
learned? Most Definately! Unfortunately I had to learn through heart
break.(Shit happens,so what)
Soo Mokete said he loved me,Mokete told me he loved me every single
time I when I was with him. And I saw it in his eyes dat he did,I felt
it.(bitches)
It all started when,he stopped giving me the little attention I got
from him,dat I was used to,dat I was entitled to. Don’t Nyatsis have
some kind of a right to have a piece of ownership sometyms when die
sester is @ work,like we used to! Eeh! Mokete was somehow… falling
back inlove with his girlfriend or was it dat she started to give it
to him from behind I dnt knw!All I can recall was I somehow became the
forgeten nyatsi. The calls went awol,the visits, heck da dude lived
in da same block as I but I think I spent like two weeks not seeing him.
And because I was afraid to call nje, because I ddnt knw what his situation
might be,I just waited for him to call. I even started having crazy
thoughts that maybe something bad had happened to him hence he was not
paying me any attention. I hoped that wasn’t da case, and at times, I
thought fuck! You knw wat,I’m gna try and call him with a different
number. And if it happens that his gal picks up,I’m gna pretend like I’m
his customer or something.So I finally swallowed my fear and called.
On the 1st ring nigga answered,”hello” and I was like hey Mokete,its
me I’ve bin worried,R u ok? Hee nigga was like”yes I’m ok,I’ll col u” den
he hung up on me.
Eeh ok, I was just thrilled that he was ok. And I thought maybe I had
cought him at a bad tym.( Fine) I waited for his call and waited for
like over 3weeks. I loved this man and I respected his
relationship. So nigga, 3weeks passes by and he doesn’t even bother to
update me on why he is soo silent. Ok, Now my patience and respect was
starting to run out,like now I was starting to get angry,and let me be
honest here,I knew that something was up and I was beginning to
suspect dat my nyatsified supremacy was being threatened.(And I was
still waiting for his call…)
I was devastated,confused I cudnt understand what was happening with
“US”…kgante wher was the Mokete that I knew, that cared about me ,that
cared abt us?(Hehehe)
So I did the worst, ddnt care anymore,I called the nigga one tym
and it was in the morning, So nigga picks up and I was like Mokete
kgante wats happening between us?whats wrong? what did I do? Heeeeeeee!
Nigga was like “sorry, who am I talking to?”Eeh ok, he dsnt recognize my
voice anymore (claps once) yhoo le nna! Then I said its me Mary, and he
said “Mary from where?Mary?!? Mary who?(Hahahaha)
I hung up da phone, dissapointed, fooled, ashamed,betrayed and all. But my naïve
voice was like nope he’s probably with his gal,so he’s going to call me
back,he’s going to call me back now and expplain everything.Then now
became later,Later became tommorow,huh!Tommorow became two months
since I last talked to Mokete and he ddnt knw who I was. (Agh shame,y
ne ke sa tswe daar!ai!)
Then there was this other day when I was coming back from work in a taxi. It
was on sunday so I knocked off early, on my way home there he was, at some
shisa nyama place with his buddies, nigga was chilling and conversating
like normally with his friends.
Eeh and I thought, yes! he’s alone, let me call him and hear wats up.
Ok,der I was quickly dialling his no.(Which I still knw by head,lol)
hmm and Mokete hw r u?he said “good” and I said to him”kgante
dintshang?” And he politely said to me” Mary,I told u that u should
never call me when I’m at home,da other time u called me, She was sitting next to me listening”. (yhooo) And I thought, but really, shouldn’t you have called me, when you knew that I was worriedsick about you, phela you just disappeard on me. To sum the conversation up Nigga said he’s girlfriend was on leave and he ddnt have tym to call me,blah blah
blah. Ooh soo now ur alone with friends and it ddnt occur to you that this was the perfect time to call me and explain. Then he Hit me with that line Again”I will
call you”, then he hung up.(Hahaha#shaking head,funny enough I believed then, that he
would).
Yhoo two months passed,Mokete habba!(I was still waiting for
the call)I was crazy I can tell you that, ,I was starting to loose my sanity,it was hard to forget about him. I needed  atleast an explanation, I needed to know where I went wrong, I needed
to ask him,Why!!!and unbelievably,I still had hope that Mokete was
going to call me.(Hahahaha,hai LOVE)
Mokete never called, I waited till I have had enough. U know when you
end up looking in the mirror,reflecting low self esteem, and asking urself, what is wrong with me,AmI too ugly? am I too fat or skinny?or too dark, like looking for all
impossible things that you think may have chased him away(but little
did I knw, dat I was played) .

Mokete needed 2minutes fun, I was a fling
that went completely wrong, I think he just stayed with me longer than
he anticipated coz somehow he felt compensation towards me or what. I
basically don’t know what his plans were with me but I think he also
messed it up by showing all that care.

Dats when I started my devilness,I was angry at him for dropping me just like that,angry and
bitter that he loved her more,angry and full of vengeance,I wanted to
get back at him for leaving me! So I started calling him at night,nd
he would ignore my calls.I sent him sms’es which I knew his girlfriend
would see,I just wanted to cause conflict between dem, and da end
result I hoped for was, well if he ddnt come back to me, den he should also not be with her.(Hehehe boy was I crazy!)
Days after when I were busy with my “stalking”. Mokete finally called me and he
straight up said to me “Nyatsified I told u that I loved
my girlfriend, I told you that I would not leave her, and I made it
clear that if anything happens that might make her to suspect or know
about you, I’m going to break up with you,soo wena u ddnt listen to
me,soo pls dnt call me anymore” then he hung up. (yhoooo hectic staff). And I tell u, I
stopped, stopped with my crazyness,got a wake up call,and funny enough
I was relieved,as much as his words hurt me,I was relieved that I knew
what I had done wrong(even though I may argue to disagree on hu
started, bullshit ,nigga should have raised dat flag from da day he
decided to go awol on me.

Who says there aren’t any semi-loyal( but yet we knw men will be men),
guys out der?well Mokete is a great guy,I’ve experienced that,and I
salute him for the capability of throwing me off the wagon cause he
knew I was going to try and cause problems to his relationship,many
might side with me for vengeance and many may salute him for what he
has done,but I respect the love he has for his girlfriend,and Lord
knows…I envied to be in her place.(Past tense)

 

Mokete is now happily engaged to his girlfriend,(TEARDROP) and hahaha no I have not been stalking him, the news came to me.

As for me “nyatsified” lol…lets jst say…I healed,moved on,packed my sorrows and threw them next to the moving train.hahaha

And then I was Nyatsified…

Late 2012 Nov wen my baby was a year old,I was now able to go out,leave him at home and later come back.So you know I had tym to socialise.I dated a few frogs but it ddnt work out,so I Kinda gave up on dating,coz I found it hard work. I seemed to misjudge da frogs I used 2 date and I’ll be very much insecure while with dem. I was undatable.(Lol)

During Dec I went to a wedding of a friend of myne and it changed my life,coz dats wher I met him.(Smile)Let’s call him Mokete…(Coz we met a wedding)Hmmmm Mokete,where do I begin? He was hot.He is a tall brother with a nice big smile,beautiful eyes and with a nice attitude,good morals,well spoken ooh he was just a dream.He actually came wit a mutual friend of ours and u knw we exchanged a few glances and I was dissapointed that he left without asking for my digits.(Sad face)

Later when a month passed, I came back home and what do we have here aparently,Mokete came to my place and asked for my numbers,I wasn’t home so I was pretty shocked 2 hear dat ubrother o mo fineeee,was looking for me. So I waited eagerly for him to call me.

Yeah to my delight he did call,and boy was I flattered to hear from him.We set up a meeting den kaboom,we were toking love interests. Mokete was honest with me from the word go.He told me that he had a girlfriend and a child who both lived with him at his place.(Yhooo NYATSIFIED) Well at first I was a little offended(lyk dude and soo u want me to be ur little whore on da side) it was something new to me, so I thought about it and because I could not resist da charmingness(lol)…I said yes to him,and u know me and my silly little voice it went Yeboo…” intriging,a taken man…wow let me see how dis is going to work out”.

At first,oooh things were great!Mokete is a guy any gal wud love to have,he is caring,soo caring that he would usually assist me and Ole where we’ll be lacking. We had an awesome relationship though, I was given rules on when I shud call and when we’ll see each other behind die sester’s back,(Yhoo cheaters)besides that, I enjoyed dating him.The hurtful thing I later realised was dat Mokete loved his galfriend,no matter how much I tried to out-do die sester,and u knw when a guy comes to u proposing love and tels u dat he’s got a galfriend,we tend to misintrepret it for hai “no he’s just looking for a way to dump his galfriend. Well in most cases that is not really the case,I read somewher dat Men are actually like hunters,dey leave their fat,nourished cows at home to go hunt for new meat outside,like springbok,buffalos even rabbits etc dey dont get  satisfied,meat is meat but dey will go hunt for different meat ,and eat it der in da bush,wipe their mouth clean den come back home to eat beef.I actually enjoyed being da ada woman, it somehow made me feel wanted,made me feel like I was the IT mistress(dom kop). But den as time went by I fell inlove,*big mistake* but how can u Not wit a guy hu is caring,loving,ambitious,employed and did I mention gud looking,well build.(Eix san)

I remember one other time I had jst registered my child @ crech, by den I was stil working as a casual soo I had to pay da monthly fee upfront which I ddnt have,yhoo it was in da middle of the month,I was only a casual at work so I got paid lyk R180 in two days, soo it wasn’t much,coz before I got home it was finished over Huggies and wipes. Den wen I get paid the coming weekend I had to his formular and leave some for transport. Soo tyms were pretty hard. I basically had no money, and my parents had nothing too,my aunts nada and I had to take my child to day care so I could go to work. Soo der I was,stranded,stressed…frustrated. Look I was not girl who would ask a boyfriend for money,*back den hihihi* so even though Mokete was in my life,It never crossed my mind that maybe I should seek help from him.Soo agh,I had to be absent from work because my baby had no one to mind him at home while I went to work. I just told myself dat u knw wat,we’ll wait till da end of de month for me to afford day care.(And dats if I still have a job to go back to).

So Mokete called lyk a day after,”hi how u,wher r u? I told him I was home,”home ohk,r u off?”told him da whole story dat I cudnt go to work coz Ole ddnt have a minder. And he was devastated,he told me dat how could I jst sit and not call to tell him about my predicament,den he told me dat he ‘ll pass by later after work with the whole amount for day care. And he did,Mokete pulled through for me and I was able to go back to work. From dat day he made sure that he asked me”o shap?do u nid money for anything?u should tel me when ur not,and Ole yena o shap?does he have enough Huggies?” U knw he was dat kind of a guy,he cared and he offered. I would usually have no money for transport for me to get to work and he would either give me some or when he is struggling a little he would take me to work and fetch me frm work. How do u NOT fall for dis kind of a guy?and another thing that attracted me to him more was dat he was real,he would tel me when he was also struggling der nd der wen he had promised me money but unfortunately he was unable to,he would tel me and then say he would make a plan,And he usually did.I was happy,I’ve finally met a man,a man who provides for me,a man who understands BUT he was not myne (myne alone).We dated for quiet some time and you know I knew my place in his life,I knew dat sometym when I went to his place he had to hide me,I knew I wasn’t supposed to call after six pm. I understood that sometym wen I was with him die sester would call and he’ll have to say “I love u two” to her whilst he’s on top of me,it was hurtful but I endured it all,for what hai only God knows. Things were ok,atlast I had a boyfriend who is sane. And I was an obidient Nyatsi, until I messed up…